Tuesday, December 27, 2011

A King by His Own Hand

Salt Lake City, Utah

My first guess as to the objective of this army was proven wrong soon after it it made its way into Salt Lake City.  I thought the great barbarian Conan, the greatest home run hitter in APBA history with 810, was going to overthrow the governor.  But I was spectacularly wrong.  First the army passed by the governor's mansion without incident.  Then I noticed that Governor Herbert was clad in plate mail, and had already joined as one of Conan's lieutenants!

The true objective, all along, was the site of Conan's greatest triumphs.  The Popcorn Dome, home of the Utes, and the site of Conan's greatest triumphs.  And now he leads an army against it.  After surrounding the dome, a messenger is sent inside with a list of Conan's demands.

Those looking forward to bloodshed would be disappointed this day, at least until the celebration feast.  The Dome took less than one hour to surrender and meet all demands.  Conan has claimed his place among the lords of APBA, as the new owner of the Utes!

Gary Redenbacher, grandson of original owner Orville, will remain with the team as president.  Long time general manager Gary Krause is forced out, and will take the long walk into the cursed earth.  Conan names Lou Zamuda as his new GM.  Redenbacher is reportedly very happy with the terms of the deal, as it allows him to keep his head.

It turns out the whole plan started a few weeks ago, when his accountant asked Conan if he would be interested in being a team owner some day.  He was expecting to get Conan to put up a portion of the fortune made during his playing days, and find a group of investors.  But Conan would hear none of that.  He decided if he would take ownership, he would do it the barbarian way.  And so he did.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Big Free Agent Signing

Darin Elam has agreed to terms on an 8 year $176 million dollar contract with the New York Knights. Elam was considered the best remaining OF and will anchor CF for the Knights. Texas was also in the bidding on this one, but was not willing to go that high on Mark Crawford's replacement.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

The Army Moves North

Castle Gate, Utah

As the army slowly moves north, all manner of creatures join it's strength. Giants, Trolls, and Ogres come down from the mountains. The smallfolk of Utah's shires pledge their slings to the king on the ride. Perhaps most unlikely of all, a passing Khalasar, 100 thousand Dothraki horsemen strong, joins to it's strength. Their Khal is a distant cousing of the riding king, it is known.

The songs of ten thousand Bards fill the air. Most are playing the same song, over and over, "I will follow him, follow him wherever he may go" A smelly band of Yoda from the swamps join the army as well. Their mocking voices are never far behind me. I have yet been able to approach the king, but I do have a chance to speak to a small, wizened old sorcerer. His head shaven clean, he wears a necklace of teeth and a coat covered will all manner of charms and talismans. He claims to be the chronicler for the king.

He is not yet willing to tell me the name of the king, or his destination. He tells me only that the king is here to claim what is his, and do so by his own hand.

Friday, December 23, 2011

A Great and Fearsome Host Gathers

Canyonlands National Park, Utah

In Southern Utah a great and mismatched army gathers. Tanks and Armored Personnel Carriers ride side by side with At-At Walkers, mounted Cavalry, and common folk, walking, and armed with nothing more than pitchforks and kitchen knives. Militia men and veterans talk of the great reckoning. Brightly colored hippies sing songs of the peace soon to be at hand. Old school Mormons, with their many wives and children, speak to the greatness of "Him". Numerous cults talk of finding infinity. All move north as one great army.

In the center rides a great mobile tent that could only belong the the leader. Is this the beginning of a revolution? Where does this army ride to? Who leads it, and for what purpose? These are questions I will answer for the Herman Sports Network, if I survive.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

2012 Draft Round 2

The Draft continues:
1 Detroit Devils
2 Orlando Rugrats
3 Green Day Dukes
4 Toledo Mud Hens
5 Toronto Seagulls
6 Florida Penguins
7 Louisville Sluggers
8 Springfield Isotopes
9 Hollywood B's
10 Boston Beaneaters
11 Alaska Snow Sox
12 Chicago Winds
13 Cleveland Spiders
14 Las Vegas Gamblers
15 Baltimore Colts
16 Florida (from Hawaii)
17 St Louis Robins
18 Utah Utes
19 Mars Eyebiters
20 LA Shockers
21 Phoenix Autobots
22 Bay Area Bandits
23 Charlotte Hawks
24 Portland Decepticons
25 New York Knights
26 Texas Gunfighters
27 Philadelphia Grays
28 Denver Rabbits
29 Miami Stars
30 New York Cobra

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Yoda Signs Extension

Yoda Skywalker, star secondbaseman for the Hawaii Hounddogs signed a 6 year/$100 Million extension last night. The contract will make Yoda the highest paid player in the history of APBA as the team will pay him $40 Million for the 2013 season.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Brooks Traded

Bryan Brooks, fresh off a World Series win in Miami, is headed to Hawaii to join Eddie Bird's Hounddogs. The Stars will receive veteran pitcher John Upshaw, and save 6.8 million dollars in the exchange.

Brooks was 11-12 and struck out 186 batters last season. He has a career record of 196-176.

In order to make the trade work financially, Kana Wake agreed to restructure his recent free agent contract.

Mark Crawford to Sign with Denver Rabbits

Mark Crawford is leaving Texas, and will sign a 10 year contract for 300 million dollars with the Denver Rabbits. Crawford, 31, hit .323 last season with 39 homeruns, 137 RBI, scored 136 runs, and stole 37 bases. He finished 2nd in the MVP voting to Joe Young. After being swept in the World Series by the Miami Stars, the Big Cheese apparently decided to pull out all the stops to get his Rabbits back to the World Series. When asked if he'll regret paying 30 million per year to Crawford when he's 40, Big Cheese replied "I'm 77 years old. If I'm still around at the end of this contract, I'll be happy no matter what."

Baltimore Extends Myers

Baltimore signs catcher Jesse Myers to a 5 year, 100 million dollar extension. Myers would have been a free agent after the 2012 season, now he'll be in Baltimore until 2017.

Big Fish about to sign?

My sources say that Mark Crawford has narrowed down his search to 4 teams: Texas, Baltimore, New York Knights, and a "mystery team". A decision could be imminent, and the contract is expected to exceed Pujols' deal. Stay tuned.

Elven Pitcher to be Posted

Buddy Dervish, the Cy Young winner for the North Pole Reindeers of the Elven League, is likely to pitch in APBA for the 2012 season. Dervish, 25, is the largest elf in their league's history, standing 6 foot 5 and weighing (conservatively) 230 pounds. He was discovered during a snowball fight, and taught to harness his 95 MPH fastball by legendary manager Yukon Cornelius. Buddy posted a record of 19-4 this season, with a 1.47 ERA and 288 strikeouts while walking only 31. In addition to his fastball, he throws a curve, slider, splitter, screwball, changeup, cutter, ephus, and screwball. North Pole will accept bids at the start of the 2012 free agent auction, with the final offers being made by sealed bids on a six year contract. North Pole will receive half of the final bid amount.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Transactions 12-16-2011

Las Vegas extends Joe Callahan for 7 years, 133 million. This deal replaces the 2012-2013 years under his old contract, and keeps him in Las Vegas until 2018.

Las Vegas signs 2B Trent Weaver for 2 years, 7 million.

Hawaii trades Mike Solar, Andy Stewart, and the 15th pick of the 2012 draft to Boston for RHP Bo Greenwood and reliever Ryan Stokley.

This move is a salary dump for Hawaii, and sets up this next move:

Kana Wake signs with Hawaii for 1 year, 12 million. The deal includes a 4 year, 32 million dollar team option to be decided at the end of 2012, and a full no trade clause.

Then, a three way trade between Detroit, Florida, and Hawaii:

Detroit gets: SS Manuel Lugo from Hawaii and #7 overall pick from Florida.

Florida gets: #4 overall pick from Detroit, 2nd round pick from Hawaii, and Hawaii's 2013 first round pick.

Hawaii gets: Kenny Anderson Jr. from Florida.

Florida trades SS Jed Fleming to Toledo for OF Corey Stanford.

Friday, December 16, 2011

Draft Order

Here is the draft order for the first round. Only one pick changed hands this year, Denver's first round pick went to Hollywood. As picks are made, post in the comments here.


1 Green Day Dukes
2 Orlando Rugrats
3 Boston Beaneaters
4 Florida (from Detroit)
5 Toronto Seagulls
6 Toledo Mud Hens
7 Detroit (from Florida)
8 Hollywood B's
9 Springfield Isotopes
10 Louisville Sluggers
11 Alaska Snow Sox
12 Cleveland Spiders
13 Chicago Winds
14 Las Vegas Gamblers
15 Boston (from Hawaii)
16 Baltimore Colts
17 St Louis Robins
18 Mars Eyebiters
19 Utah Utes
20 LA Shockers
21 Phoenix Autobots
22 Bay Area Bandits
23 Charlotte Hawks
24 Portland Decepticons
25 New York Knights
26 Texas Gunfighters
27 Philadelphia Grays
28 Hollywood (from Denver)
29 Miami Stars
30 New York Cobra

Draft order edited to reflect trades

Tuesday, December 06, 2011

Eddie of Hawaii

Well, it's official. Eddie Bird didn't stay unemployed long. He has been signed to a 5 year, $50 Million contract to manage the Hawaii Hounddogs. Eddie will be employing a strange, never before tried strategy this season. GM Coyote said Eddie will manage half of his games using state of the art modern technology. When pressed for additional details, Coyote said Eddie will manage all home games in person but will not travel with the team during the regular season. Instead he will manage all road games from the comfort of his new home in Maui.

Eddie has also started hiring his coaching staff as Hawaii Hall of Famer Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn has been named Pitching Coach. Rumor has it one of Eddie's former Utes will be named Hitting Coach. Vaughn will be the on-field manager for road games but will take direction from Eddie who will rumoredly use new hologram technology as seen in Star Wars. Apparently this is Coyote's own personal design.

When asked about Lewis Solo Sr, Coyote said Solo would continue to be a part of the organization as the team has no idea how to get rid of him. "He shows up everyday, so what are you going to do?" Eddie is fond of the old jawa and looks forward to working with him.

When asked for a quote Eddie said, "I look forward to calling for and witnessing several of the greatest innings in the history of the Hounddogs." When asked to comment on Brad, Eddie would only say he was happy to be in Hawaii and looks forward to facing New York in the playoffs if it comes to that. Lastly Eddie was asked about the obvious rebuilding project Hawaii will require beginning in 2013 and if he was up for it considering it has been years since he built a winner. Eddie said he was more than up for the challenge as long as Lisa Marie continued to sign his checks. He also predicted it would be a very short rebuilding project and that after winning a championship this season he would win a second championship in 2014.

Kenny isn't sure what to make of all this. But one thing is certain, Hawaii is serious about winning it all this year.

Sunday, December 04, 2011

The Kid Promoted

For the last couple of years, when you open the Hawaii Hounddogs media guide it lists Lewis Solo, Sr. as Manager. It also lists Lewis Solo, Jr as Bench Coach. However, it is widely known that Lewis Solo, Jr has been making the on-field calls for quite some time as his father seems to have lost his marbles.

That being said, the team officially demoted Sr to bench coach and officially promoted "The Kid" to manager at the end of the season. Now it appears the Coyote has something else up his sleeve. He has promoted Lewis Solo Jr to the front office as "Special Assistant to the GM".

When asked about Lewis Solo Sr, Coyote said, "Senior's role, along with the entire coaching staff, will be up to our next manager. Though I suspect Senior will continue showing up every day regardless what we tell him."

It is widely speculated this move may be in reaction to the availability of Eddie Bird. When asked if this was the case, Wile smiled and say, "Eddie Bird is one of the, if not the, greatest manager in the history of the game. I would not be the super genius I profess to be if I did not consider a quality candidate such as Eddie. But we have not spoken to any one at this point. This move was driven strictly by our disappointing season."

It is unknown if Eddie would be interested in Hawaii where it is widely known the team will be dismantled after the 2012 season. Would Eddie be ready to make a run immediately followed by a rebuilding project? Sure Eddie is a legendary manager of great teams, but is he even capable of rebuilding a team?

Stay tuned.

Saturday, December 03, 2011

Open Season on Managers

With the close of the 2011 season, we usher in the inevitable, the managers who have been fired by their respective teams. Boston is saying goodbye to Junior Floyd, coming off a disappointing 75-87 season. Also not sticking around will be Springfield's Jeff McBain (74-88) and Toledo's Fausto Cruz (71-91).

Alaska has also decided not to retain interim manager Rewind. Rewind took over last year for Ryne Solo (who was promoted to GM) and went 70-75. Alaska liked what Rewind did with the team, but in the end, he did not have the right DNA to remain the manager. After announcing his retirment from baseball, Ryne Solo Jr. (El Jawa) has been named the new manager by his father. Alaska originally wanted to trade for El Jawa last season, but Hawaii was not willing to part with their backup 1B. Now that El Jawa has retired, he was free to take the job.

In the most shocking news of the day, Brad of this Nation and Eddie Bird have announced that in a mutual decision, Eddie will not return as manager next season. Brad has agreed to let Eddie step down as manager, and Eddie has agreed to terminate the contract, leaving him without a paycheck for the first time in a long time. Eddie has not decided if he will manage again next year, but if he does, the new team will not owe the New York Cobra any compensation.

Stay tuned to THSN for your source for breaking APBA news.

WS Game 4


Juan Alou, RJ Duke, and Dave Lefevre enjoy time with their first World Series trophy.





Game 4

Miami quickly jumped off to a lead against Denver starter Derek Howe. After Brian Kaat and Richie Almanzar singled, Joe Young drew a walk to load the bases. Bud McNamara unloaded them with a 3 run triple and later came around to score on a Bob Abuee double.

Miami's Jason Curry allowed a 2 run homer to Alex Maldonado in the 4th but otherwise avoided trouble. Miami took a 7-2 lead to the 9th when Bob Belardi struck out George Rivera to start the inning. Otto Tingley reached on an error, and Leopold Stotch singled. Geoff Favre came up next, and bounced one to Almanzar. He went to second for one, and the throw from Concepcion beat Favre to first for a series ending double play.

RJ Duke, who guaranteed a World Series win last January, fulfills his promise and keeps his job. Joe Young came to Miami and gets the world series win he was looking for. Bud McNamara was named series MVP. He hit .500 (8-16), drove in 10 runs with 2 doubles, a triple, and a homer, and did not strike out.

Stars One Win Away


Brian Kaat and Juan Alou need one more victory.

The Stars took a 3 games to nothing lead over the Denver Rabbits. Denver scored first on solo homers by Pete Renseller and Geoff Favre. Brandon Cohen hit a 2 run homer off Ruben Ramirez to tie the game, and Bud McNamara's 2 run single put the Stars up for good after an intentional walk to Joe Young. Tim Sullivan pitched 5 innings for the win, and James Rhodes, Damon Hutchinson, and Bob Belardi were perfect over the last 4 innings.