Las Vegas Clones Manager Found Dead

Early Monday Morning, LVPD believed they found renowned Bounty Hunter and current Las Vegas Clones Manager Boba Fett dead of something being referred to as Kamino Saberdarts.

Later, around Noon, the team released the following strange statement seemingly confirming the report: "The Las Vegas Ball Club regrets to confirm the passing of its current manager. While the team cannot confirm the cause of death, it had become evident the team's performance has become...unsatisfactory. We respectfully extend our regrets to the Fett family. Please join us at 4pm to introduce our new field manager."

And then, in perhaps the most startling of press conferences, Boba Fett appeared to introduce his team's new manager...himself. And by "himself" Kenny means Boba said the following:

"Thank you all for joining us today. As you can see, I am alive and well. While it has been reported that I was found dead this morning, that was an exaggeration. What is true is that our manager was found this morning, his performance was subpar, I have an airtight aliby, and he was my clone. I am now pleased to introduce you to our new manager, Boba Fett XIV. Apparently XIII was unlucky but I am sure XIV will perform much better."

Then, an exact copy of Boba Fett walked out with a Las Vegas Clones' baseball cap on his head.

Kenny has seen some strange things before and Kenny has played with Boba, so Kenny knows what a bad ass he can be, but Kenny is still in shock. Later, Boba confirmed he had been managing the team until this season, but decided he had too much to do as GM and Bounty Hunter this season and has farmed out the managerial duties to his Clones. Boba was evasive when asked about any Boba Fetts numbered I-XII.

Hawaii Hounddogs Update

Expectations are very high in Hawaii this year, as they assembled this years team as part of a two year plan: 1. Do everything possible to win this year, and 2. Do everything possible to win this year. Through 24 games, Hawaii has the best record in baseball at 16-8. Heres how they are doing it:

C: Bruce Berano: Only hitting .222 but has 4 HR in 72 at bats.
C: Wiki Diaz: Wiki is hitting .344 with a .417 OBA andd .469 SLG and 8.6 RC/G through 32 at bats
1B: Mike Solar is off to a monster start, .343-6-17 with 9 2B, and .446 OBA and .729 SLG and 12.3 RC/G
1B: Ryne Solo Jr.: .345-.367-414 in 29 at bats
1B: Glen Porter: 3-7 with 5 BB in 12 plate appearances.
2B: Yoda Skywalker is probably the most valuable fantasy player in the game, with his balanced contributions at a tough position. Yoda is hitting .368-6-18, with 15 runs, 7 2B, 1 3B, 7 SB, .412 OBA, .653 SLG, and 9.7 RC/G. He also has committed only 1 error. He is probably the MVP of the league so far.
3B: Andy Stewart: .179-0-3 .281 OBA, and .250 SLG. He is off to a bad start obviously.
SS: Arnoldo Jimenez: .346-4-17 6 2B, 3 3B .386 OBA, .654 SLG, and 9.3 RC/G. He also has not made an error yet, and has participated in a ridiculous 23 DP in 19 games.
LF: Jack Collins: .299-7-16, 7 2B, 2 3B, .361 OBA, .629 SLG, and 8.0 RC/G
CF: Shane Canzler: .322-.403-.424, 2 SB, 6.4 RC/G, 0 errors.
RF: Jake Cisco: .329-2-6, 14 runs, 4 2B, 17 BB, .462 OBA, .466 SLG, 8.6 RC/G
OF: Mike Christenson: .357-.441-.429 in 28 at bats.
OF: Jason Hopper: .167 in 42 at bats (may need to relinquish playing time to Christenson)

Starting Rotation:
Jared DeMario: 4-0 3.00, 39 IP, 36 H, 7 BB, 26 K
Wayne Gardella: 4-0 3.03, 32-29-8-26
Cory Schaeffer: 1-1 5.28, 29-37-14-34
Floyd Brennan: 0-2 3.73, 31-34-16-20
John Upshaw: 2-1 3.91, 25-26-6-25

Bullpen:
Troy Lewis: 3-0 1.46, 12-7-3-8 7 saves
Jerome Camp: 0-0 3.00, 3-5-1-2
Thomas Fasten: 1-0 0.87, 10-5-4-9
Carlos Garrido: 1-1 3.38, 13-14-3-12 1 save
Brian Ohman: 0-1 1.17, 7-5-2-8
Justin Van Rossum: 0-2 5.84, 12-19-4-10

Florida Penguins Update

Not a lot is expected out of the Penguins in 2011. They have some good young pieces, but are still somewhat cash-strapped, and had difficulty adding complementary pieces last off-season. Through 24 games, they are 11-13 and last place in the ML East (3.5 games back). Lets take a look at this team position by position:

C: Ray Brooks is off to a great start, hitting .412 with 3 HR, 14 RBI in 68 AB.
1B: Daniel Smith is doing what he is supposed to, hitting .269-5-16 with a .526 SLG.
2B: Ruben Ressler is struggling, .214-2-7 with a .287 OBA.
3B: Rayner Perez is hitting .222 with 2 HR, 6 RBI in 54 at bats.
SS: Jed Fleming is putrid, hitting .182-1-6 with 2.2 RC/G.
LF: Conn the Barbarian is a legitimate superstar. His numbers across the board: .293, 4 HR, 14 RBI, 7 2B, 3 3B, 11 BB (4 IBB), 5 SB (0 CS), .379 OBA, .627 SLG, 8.1 RC/G.
CF: Kenny Anderson Jr. has missed some time due to injury, he is hitting .302 with 7 SB and 3 CS in 14 games.
RF: Gerald White Jr. is off to a nice start, going .326-0-5, but 8 2B, 2 3B, 15 BB, 4 SB, 7.8 RC/G and 0 errors to 4 outfield assists.

Bench:
Kimba Bartee: The 35 year old dog is hitting .190 in 42 at bats with 2 SB and 1 CS.
Mitch Oakenshield: The 24 year old dwarf splits his time at 1B, 3B, and the OF and has appeared in 20 games so far. He is hitting .324-3-11 with a .380 OBA and .563 SLG and 8.4 RC/G. Looks like a real good player.
Gerald White: The 49 year old is batting .130 in 23 at bats.

Starting Rotation:
George White: 3-2 3.55, 38 IP, 37 H, 11 BB, 27 K.
Doug Guzman: 3-2 3.41, 34-27-17-26
Clayton Lewis: 1-1 2.73, 26-20-5-15
Bart Riley: 1-1 1.88, 28-19-8-26
Peter Buchanon: 1-2 3.76, 26-26-5-16

Bullpen:
Scott Bell: 0-0 3.32, 19-16-3-11 1 save
Travis Howard: 0-1 5.19, 8-9-6-6 6 saves
David Tejada: 0-1 3.65, 12-10-6-12
Jim Bradley: 2-1 2.03, 13-10-8-15
Tyler Nelson: 0-1 7.20, 5-10-2-5

Major League Standings thru 4/24/11

East
Philadelphia 14-9
New York 12-12
Toronto 11-12
Florida 11-13 (1-8 in 1-run games)

Central
Denver 15-9 (started the year 10-0, now has 6 game losing streak)
Alaska 12-12 (on 6 game winning streak)
Detroit 12-13
Green Day 11-13
St. Louis 10-14

West
Hawaii 16-8
Bay Area 14-11
Los Angeles 12-12
Hollywood 9-15
Portland 9-15