Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Calamari State to the Sweet Sixteen!

Former APBA manager Admiral Ackbar is now coaching basketball, and his team, Calamari State, pulled off a surprising upset of UK (University of Kashyyyk).

Most analysts favored the Wookies' advantages in rebounding and shot blocking, but Ackbar's squad forced 33 turnovers with a relentless series of traps.

Unfortunately, the Cinderella ride likely ends here as all 5 starters will be unable to play against Sith University on Thursday, as they need time to regrow their limbs.  After the game, the enraged Wookies tore arms and legs off the Mon Calamari and ate them, because 1) Wookies hate to lose, and 2) Calamari tastes good.

Their backups are 40 point underdogs against the Sith, who advance after obliterating Alderaan.  The Sith coach had only to say "All is proceeding as I have foreseen".

Monday, March 10, 2014

Kobe signs extension

The Los Angeles Shockers have signed 36 year old shortstop Kobe Jones to a 2 year, 48 million dollar extension covering the 2015-2016 seasons.  Jones had been signed through 2014 at 18 million.


According to Kobe, no negotiations were necessary.  The Shockers, who have a large number of contracts coming off the books after 2014, approached Kobe with the offer.  Kobe kept his composure and simply said "OK".


Kobe is not the only Hall of Fame bound shortstop who would have been headed for free agency.  The countdown is now on for Brett Solo, who is heading into his final season with the New York Cobra.  Brett, 32 years old, is reportedly looking for a 10 year extension.

Winter Meetings

George White gets the biggest deal of the day, taking a 175 million, seven year deal with Bay Area.  Silvanos Tonka, coming over from the Elven League, received contract offers by sealed bids.  It should surprise nobody that once the bids were unsealed, Brad once again stood tall, menacing, and goateed with the winning bid.  Tonka will receive 162 million over 7 years.


Hawaii broke out some of their hoarded revenue sharing funds to sign Derek Seitzer for 6 years and 120 million.  This matches the deal received by former Hounddog Jered DeMario.  Seitzer will see 56 million of that in his first season.  Andy Roughton gets almost as much (114 over 6) to pitch for Springfield.


Other pitching contracts:
Joseph Smith Langford 5/60 to NY Knights
Eric Rodriguez 4/54 to Toronto
Joel Camels 3/36 to Toledo


Brad also gave out the largest multiyear deal ever to a closer, signing Jon Papelbrad for 8 years and 100 million.  Green Day, also in the market for a closer, get Steve Kepler for 5 years and 57.5 million.


The Florida Penguins take perhaps the best position player in second baseman Joey Howell, for 6 years and 96 million.  Some compare Howell to Robinson Cano, without the short right field porch of Yankee Stadium.  He's a regular .320 hitter with enough pop to hit 15-20 homers, plays very good defense and can steal a bag.  The best shortstop, Alex Guerrero, gets 7 years and 119 million from Detroit.


George Frog, who had a .400 OBP last year, sticks in Toledo for 78 million over 6 years, and Bob Brady will get 72 million over 6 from the Knights.  Penguins pick up veteran Otto Tingley for 2 years and 12.5 million.


Chicago resigns 50 steal man Alfonso Gorin for 4 years and 40 million, and then solidifies their rotation by trading reliever Jon Mexico to Miami for lefty Jason Curry.


Bud McNamara, age 41, heads home to Orlando for 5 million, where he expects to be the DH.


Reggie Stocker, the number 1 overall pick in 2008, was mostly a disappointment to the Snow Sox.  He hit 31 homers with 109 RBI as a rookie, but never matched those numbers over the next 5 years.  All is forgiven though, as Detroit pays for potential to the tune of 110 million over 6 years.  Miguel Fernandez, a power hitting, strong throwing right fielder who will swing at anything, gets 90 million over 5 years.


Some more signings:
SS Orlando Veras, Charlotte, 4/36
SS Jim Concepcion, Springfield, 5/62.5
DH Leroy Brown, Springfield, 3/42
CF Eddie Cedeno, Charlotte, 4/50
3B Mike Conner, Alaska, 3/21
3B Elvis Dixon, Phoenix, 2/14
3B Justin Headley, Texas, 3/21
3B Dennis Affleck, Charlotte, 3/21
3B Chris Gruber, Louisville, 3/15
1B Andy Moore, Texas, 3/30
DH Ho Chi Fat, NY Knights, 3/30
2B Rey Nunez, Phoenix, 4/40
1B Hal Glover, NY Cobra, 1/7


The New York Cobra then pull off a shocking trade, dumping the salary of Ricky Buckley to Texas.  Buckley was traded along with minor league shortstop David Walker for minor league infielder David Jackson and reliever Vince Everts.  Buckley had fallen out of favor with manager Juan Biras, who thinks backup Juan Biras did less to lose in the playoffs last season.

Tuesday, March 04, 2014

Big Fish off the Market

The New York Cobra announced today that RF Keith Lee has resigned with the team.  Lee, considered the best available free agent in this years class, will get a nice pay increase as part of the new contract.  The new pact will pay him 24 million dollars per year for the next 5 years.  Previously, Lee joined the Cobra after the 2005 season after signing the "Manny Ramirez" contract, 160 million over 8 years.  At 34 years of age now, Lee's new contract won't top the old one in terms of total dollar value, but does represent a 20% increase on a contract that was already large.

In other news, it is rumored that a dark elf may be offered up by the elven leagues...stay tuned.

Sunday, March 02, 2014

Roger Lewis resigns in Portland

Portland has reached an agreement with their ace starter that will keep him around for 3 more years and 75 million dollars.  This makes him the highest paid pitcher in the game, surpassing Suzuke Mazdahonda.

New York is paying 25.7 million per season for Buddy Lewis, but part of that deal goes to his former Elven club.

New Managers

Here are the teams going with new managers in 2014:

Green Day -Justin Lewis
Hollywood - Keith Grace
Bay Area - Skip Yoder
Detroit - Troy McCoy

Springfield - Glen Porter
Boston - Damon Nkik
Texas - Pudge Fernandez
Cleveland - Jason Gambini
Toledo - Miles OBrien
Las Vegas - Jose Canseco
Louisville - Walter Lewis