Miami Stars hire bench coach

The Miami Stars have hired the youngest coach in league history, Stella Smith, who has not even reached her first week birthday yet. Although she is too young to talk, a series of burps, gurgles, and farts signal the players when to bunt, steal, or hit and run.

Veteran left fielder Damon Nkik praises her judgement. "Jawas have a superior ability to detect scents. By her fart, I could tell that she thought the third baseman was playing a bit deep and I should bunt in that direction. It was good information, though I ignored it and swung for the fences anyway." Nkik hit 2 homers and knocked in 4 in the 8-4 victory over Mars.