Thursday, December 15, 2016

Conan to resign UN post

Conan, owner of the Utah Utes and holder of a national record 810 career homeruns, has resigned in protest from his position as chairman of the United Nations committee for the advancement of primitive peoples to world leadership roles.  Conan is reportedly upset over the firing of Wonder Woman, formerly the UN ambassador for the empowerment of women and girls, and a personal friend of Conan's.

Conan was born to a simple barbarian village in Cimmeria and eventually conquered kingdoms by his own hand.  He issued a statement on Wonder Woman : "I have heard her lamentations. I will help her crush her enemies, and together we will see them driven before us."

A small, elderly wizard wearing a necklace of shark's teeth said that while Conan has no immediate plans to attack the United Nations, it cannot be ruled out.

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