Graceland and the Lakers

While it has been widely reported that the Los Angeles Lakers shunned all-time great coach Phil Jackson for the unaccomplished Mike D'Antoni, what hasn't been reported is what led to this stunning decision.  Here at The Herman, Kenny has the answer! 

After several informal negotiations with the Zen Master, apparently members of the Memphis Mafia reached out to Dr. Jerry Buss to inform him that Lisa Marie Presley wanted to meet with him.  Sunday morning, Dr. Buss hopped on a plane to Tennessee to meet with Elvis' daughter to discuss their current coaching conundrum.  Apparently Lisa Marie advised Jerry strongly against bringing Jackson back to coach the Lakers.  Once she explained her own regrets of allowing legendary APBA coach Eddie of Utah the right to only coach home games and what a disaster the season was, that was all Dr. Buss needed to hear.  After a fine dinner, he flew back to LA, his mind made up - the Lakers were not going to have a coach who only coached home games.

Utah vs New York, Game 7

Utah has come all the way back to force a winner take all game. New York has one more chance to avoid blowing a 3-0 series lead. Both teams will have their best pitchers available, as hard throwing Jaret Benser takes the hill for Utah, against 19 game winner Mike Carpenter.

Top of the first: Utah starts fast. Kermit Crawford drops down a bunt hit to start the game, and Doug Dodson works a walk. Frank Lewis gets into a slider and drives it out to center field. Utah 3, New York 0.

Bottom 3rd. With one out, Mike Perry bloops a single to right. Stuart Johnson lifts a popup towards the New York dugout. Catcher Gil and 1B Lewis chase after it. Perhaps not able to hear the calls over the crowd, they collide and the ball drops foul. Both players lay on the ground. Gil is replaced by Jim "Dirty" Sanchez. Lewis wakes up 2 minutes later to see Vince Zarat putting on a first baseman's mitt. Battletrap holds up a baseball and asks Frank "How many baseballs am I holding" "Three" is the response. Battletrap says to get Frank into the an exam room, taking his best hitter out of the lineup. As Frank is carried away, he is heard yelling "I'm OK! I just need to hit the one in the middle!". But it is no use, the game will go on without him. To make it hurt even more, Stuart Johnson homers on the next pitch. 3-2 Utah.

Bottom 7th. Mike Perry singles to start the inning and Stuart Johnson follows with a double, sending Perry to third. Vernon Coles lifts a fly to left and both runners tag. Utah cuts the ball off, allowing the tying run to score, but throwing Johnson out at third. Ho Chi Fat follows with a single that would have otherwise put New York into the lead. Utah's Tom Fasten relieves Scott Klippenstein, and strikes out Mick McAndrews to end the inning.

Top 9th. With 2 out, Kermit Crawford singles. He tries to get into scoring position, but is thrown out by Bob Brady to end the inning.

Bottom 9th. Chris Grimes is in for Utah and New York is a run away from the World Series. Grimes pitches a 1-2-3 inning, and the game is going to overtime.

Top 10th. Doug Dodson leads off with a walk. It's Frank Lewis's spot up next, but Frank, having checked out OK by the trainer, is only a cheerleader. Weak hitting Jayson Thomas squares to bunt, something Battletrap hardly ever calls for, with good reason. Thomas can't bunt any better than he can hit, and bunts it hard right back to the pitcher, who turns a double play.

Bottom 10th. Vernon Coles hits a deep drive to left off Grimes, to the wall, and caught by Charlie Howard. Ho Chi Fat singles, and one out later Bob Brady lashes a double to right. Blaylock retrieves the ball, hits cutoff man Elvis Espinoza, who relays to the plate. Fat collides with Sanchez at the plate and he is...OUT! The game continues.

Bottom 11th. Fred Prinz now pitching for Utah. Travis Santos leads off with a single, and steals 2nd. One out later Darin Elam walks, and Mike Perry grounds out, moving the runners up. Battletrap usually hates the intentional walk, but doesn't want to face Stuart Johnson. Vernon Coles is up next. Needing only one run, Vernon swings for the seats...and misses. Inning over and the game continues.

Top 12th. Utah loads the bases with one out for Ryan Ballard. New York brings in Joe Dirte. Ballard strikes out, and Sanchez grounds to short.

Top 14th. Doug Dodson walks. Thomas doubles, Dodson to third. Charlie Howard pops up. Blaylock lines one to left center. Darin Elam runs it down, spins, and fires desperately to the plate. He makes the throw of his life, gets the runner, and ends the inning.

Bottom 14th. Ho Chi Fat and McAndrews start the inning with singles, sending Fat to third. Bob Brady is intentionally walked by Marc Morelock, setting up a force at home. Santos ground to second, and Utah gets the force. Tony Guerrero grounds sharply to second, and Utah gets a 4-2-3 double play to survive to the 15th.

Top 15th. Ballard walks, and Sanchez singles. Alberto Mitre fails to move the runners with a flyout. Espinoza grounds out, moving the runners up. Kermit Crawford delivers a 2 out, 2 run single to break a 13 inning scoreless streak and give Utah a 5-3 lead. Dodson flies out to end the inning.

Bottom 15th. Morelock is in his third inning of work, Utah has one pitcher, Nathan Rogers, left in the bullpen. Elam starts with a single. Perry grounds to second. Stuart Johnson lines one right to center fielder Crawford. Vernon Coles steps up for the Knights' final chance. He hits a lazy fly ball to left fielder Howard.

AND THE UTES HAVE WON THE PENNANT!

SLCS: Utah vs New York

Game 1: Steven Hyde shuts down the Utah offense with a complete game, 5 hit shutout. The middle of Utah's order (Doug Dodson, Frank Lewis, Ryan Ballard, and Charlie Howard are a combined 0 for 15. Catcher Ed Lake, a light hitting defensive specialist, drives in two of the four New York runs.

Game 2: Mike Perry and Vernon Coles homer to lead New York to a 6-3 victory. New York started fast, scoring 4 runs in the first 4 innings against Duane Garcia. Utah scores 3 in the top of the 6th to make it a one run game, but fall short as Don Thompson relieves Eddie Carey and get Leon Benevides to ground out, stranding two runners. New York adds a pair of insurance runs in the bottom 8th, and Joe Dirte strikes out the side in the 9th.

Game 3: Jerry Ruiz hits a grand slam in the second off Jaret Benser, and New York is never threatened, winning 6-2. Mike Carpenter pitches seven strong innings for the win, and New York is one win away from the World Series by a sweep.

Game 4: Jason Baret gives Utah 7 innings of 1 run ball to avoid the sweep. Frank Lewis and Kermit Crawford hit solo homers to give Utah a 2-1 lead through 7. Doug Dodson drives in 2 with an 8th inning double. New York stages a rally against Chris Grimes in the 9th, scoring a run and loading the bases with one out, down by 2 runs. Grimes gets Bob Brady to bounce into a 6-4-3 double play, and Utah lives another day.

Game 5: Don Muttonly decides to start Drew Pearson over Steven Hyde, as Hyde had thrown a lot of pitches in game one and was feeling shoulder fatigue. Eddie Carey was also an option on three days rest (he did not throw many pitches in game 1). Pearson, the number 5 starter in the regular season, was shaky and walked 3 Utes while allowing two runs in 1 1/3 innings. Muttonly had the quick hook and went to Carey, who proceeded to shut down the Utah offense (6 2/3 innings, 1 run on 2 hits).

New York scored four in the third inning off Keith Langford. The first 6 Knights reached base against Langford before he was able to get Vernon Coles on a forceout and Mick McAndrews to hit into a double play.

Going to the bottom 9th, New York held a 5-3 lead and needed three outs to reach the World Series. Joe Dirte took the mound, with the wind blowing through his glorious mullet (out towards left field, to be precise, especially strange in a domed stadium). Dirte struggled to find the strike zone, walking Jason Blaylock and Ryan Ballard to start the inning. Now facing catcher Kennard Gil, Dirte threw a strike, much too good of a strike. Gil pounded it into the second deck of the Popcorn dome. Utah now trails the series 3-2 as they head back to New York.

Game 6: Utah turns on the offense, winning 11-5 as Frank Lewis has 4 hits and a HBP, avoiding any outs, Kennard Gil adds 3 hits including a homer, and Utah scores 6 times in the 8th inning as New York ran through their bullpen. Next up, game 7.

Superior League Playoffs: Utah vs Baltimore

Game 1: Storm Morris takes a 2-1 lead into the 6th inning, but is pulled after walking Frank Lewis and Ryan Ballard. Utah proceeds to beat up on the Baltimore bullpen and finishes with an 8-4 win. It was a balanced Ute attack as every batter contributed, but nobody had more than 2 runs, hits, or RBI.

Game 2: Utah scores 6 early runs off Suzuke Mazdahonda, knocking him out in the third inning. Jason Blaylock homers and knocks in 4. Keith Langford pitches 7 innings for the win, allowing 2 runs, a walk, and 8 strikeouts.

Game 3: Baltimore breaks a scoreless tie in the 5th with 4 runs off Duane Garcia. They proceed to bash the Utah bullpen for an 11-4 victory. Prince Coleman homers and knocks in 3, Andres Gomez drives in 5 with a pair of doubles.

Game 4: Jason Baret had not pitched in 30 days to to shoulder soreness, but came back strong with 5 1/3 innings of scoreless ball, walking 1 and striking out 6. Utah knocked out Jose Barrera with a 4 run third inning, and four Ute relievers combine to preserve the shutout. Utah wins 6-0. It's a costly one though, as shortstop Chad Richardson was hit by a pitch, breaking his hamate bone. He will miss the rest of the playoffs.

Game 5: This will be the only close game of the series. Storm Morris and Jaret Benser have a pitcher's duel going for the first 4 innings until Morris runs out of gas. In the 5th he allows the first 3 batters to reach base before Kermit Crawford's 3 run homer makes in 4-0. Doug Dodson goes back to back, and Morris is done. As we head to the 8th inning, it's 6-2 Utah with Scott Klippenstein on the mound. He allows 2 runners to reach with 2 out when Battle Trap goes to the bullpen for Chris Grimes, the saving Ute. Grimes throws a gopher ball to Sergio Perez, and it's a one run game.

Grimes allows a single to Steve Freeman before Jesse Myers reaches on an error, bringing up the dangerous Prince Coleman. Grimes is able to get the groundout. Utah adds insurance in the 9th as Frank Lewis drives in Kermit Crawford. Grimes goes back out for the 9th and records 2 quick outs. Oswipe Cabrera hits a ground ball to shortstop Alberto Mitre which is bobbled for an error, the 5th by Utah in the game. Pinch hitter Larry Mo Pena hits another grounder to short, and Mitre's throw is too late, infield hit and tying run on. That brings up Brett Thompson, who hits one back to the mound. Grimes handles this one cleanly, and Utah will face New York in the Championship series.